I'm going to jail i love you
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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