Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize