wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
