Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
