Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
