i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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