After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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