The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
