I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
