wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Randomize
