this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
