When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
