Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
