1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
