I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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