final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
