Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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