I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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