I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
