What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
