I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
