omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
