Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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