I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
