the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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