No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
