That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
