No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
