just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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