If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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