You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
