She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
