Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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