we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
