I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
