Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
