He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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