Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
