I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
