do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
