i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize