either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize