i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
