thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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