I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
