before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
