the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
