You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
