Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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