i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The uberlube is also flammable
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
