you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
