Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
