A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
