Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize