Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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