i already hear my dad disowning me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
