do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What a dumb baby whore.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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