I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
