Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
