I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
