Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
NoShamevember. You game?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
