I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
