So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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