weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish you could order shots online.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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