Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
