I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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