I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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