nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
