he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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