Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
