moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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