I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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