if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
40s are totally the cure
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
