it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
