the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
