Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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