dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
